bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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