Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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