Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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