I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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