I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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