There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
