Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
