Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
