You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
