At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
