Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
