hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You made out with two different species that night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
