it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
