Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
