One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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