My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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