There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sorry about my life...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
