Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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