either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
