Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish I only lived at night.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Couch. On fire.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
