The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
