i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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