you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
