so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
