I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
