You can't special order awesome
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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