somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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