If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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