Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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