actually, I'm a sock model
My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize