I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
