I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
