So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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