Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
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