where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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