Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
