I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
