I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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