I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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