We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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