i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
