Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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