God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
