Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
