drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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