so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
