May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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