God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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