i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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