It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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