there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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