I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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