Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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