I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
