Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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