I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
