This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
