my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
