There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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