So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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