4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
