Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
