I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
