Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
