You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
